why will i stop tearing

would you pls stop this
and be good

happiness

i've been wanting to say this a long time ago.
but i wasn't certain, and i just didn't want to sound like i didn't mean it

i guess i am happy now
and i have been happy
that i'm finally on the right track of my life

past few years were really a show
i haven't been living the way i wanted to live
i just didn't realize it
that those things that i used to go after
those things that i used to do
and some people who i used to hang out with
they all don't make up the life that i truly wanted

all the partying
the dressing up
looking pretty
designer bags
are all for show
it's like putting up a show for people to watch
people that i don't even really like
i can say that out of all the bags that i own
i only truly like some, just a few of them

for the past few months
i've led a different approach to live my life
and to see the world
i now appreciate the little finer things in life
relationships with dear ones
the beauty of nature
the peace and serenity of mind
simplicity in most of the things
humanity
and how to live like a human

i cook, i bake, and i do things for my loved ones
i apply for a job, and i got one now
i give my love, instead of just receiving

i guess i can safely say that i am happy now

im feeling so lost
been missing you
feeling down
and no one to turn to

i want to go back to last time
when i can just talk to you
and you dont get angry with me
or make me tear
but i know things won't be the same again

things are broken
feelings are mixed up
trust is no longer there
hopes are gone

i really wish we can patch things up
but i know
no matter how we try
things will not be as wonderful anymore

i look at my girlfriends
see how happy they are
see how their boys treat them
only happiness
pamper them
ensuring them about the future
letting the girls throw tantrum at them
but not the other way round

you give me sadness
and insecurity
how would i trust you again?
i don't want to live in worries everyday
thinking of you lost money again
worry if you took the money for our baby's education to gamble

no matter how much i love you
we all still live in the world of reality
where love doesn't feed the kids

i'm no longer looking for a burning hot love
all i want now is security and a husband material

i seriously don't know what to do anymore

Rover is the only doggie
who has never broken my heart
never left by my side
always faithful
and wanted nothing but me